BEING WITH PEOPLE UNLIKE ME: The Catalyst for the Discovery of my True Self

A Seven Step Inner Transformation, Empowerment, Mindset

I loathe people who practice White Supremacy whether at home or in the work place. There was a deep fear that I would become entangled in its’ deceptiveness. When it reared its’ ugly head, I felt a jolt to my self-worth. Backed up against a wall, I lashed out in defiance. Anger was how I expressed my outrage. After all, I am no longer a child and at the mercy of the other. I’ve learned fighting a lie is no longer worthy of my time. In the worst situation I can withdraw inside myself and discover the untruth. Close at hand is an awareness that people have no power over me; Facing down what is untrue leads to the discovery of what is real for me.

The reason I choose to work in solitude and not in some workplace is because I do not want to work with Americans who embrace White Supremacy. There are several ways it is practiced. It lives in the hearts and minds of men and women who are custodians of the State. One way the idea passes is through education. The history and culture of America is how  children learn their place in the world. The grand ole tale in history books was meant to undermine my heart and mind and make them a foe onto the self. It was morphed into a subject to be used by the Corporation-State.

Once I was hired to be a Teaching Partner with an Art Teacher. I thought this would be great. I am an Artist myself. I live with the idea of freedom and autonomy for myself and others. I thought we would share this outlook for our relationship. A truly teaching partnership. This was farthest from the truth. The Art Teacher told the students, “do what I say; no matter how ridiculous it may seem”. “If I tell you to jump over this chair. Just do it.” I looked at her and said, “oh yeah”. She told me to run a person errand for her. I told her I was not her personal slave. I was there to help assist with the students. Seems like the relationship was going downhill after that. The idea she conveyed to me is… I will tell you what to do. She doesn’t know me. The only authority over me is my higher self.

Once I was an Interviewer for the Public Defender’s Office in Pinellas County, Florida. I interviewed the inmates to ascertain their story for the Public Defender. One inmate told me as the dog was nipping at his ankles, he beat the dog with a stick. The inmate was charged with beating a dog. Just let the dog bite on you. A natural response is to stop the pain.

Another premise of White Supremacy is, no matter what I do, I am absolved. We see this in numerous police killings. The public pays for this individual acting on behalf of the State. No matter the indignities or the pain you are not to protect yourself. The police have the authority to kill you. Police are human and get angry on the job. Their weapon is an extension of their fear and rage. They have a set of ideas about themselves and the other. If you are the other, you become the enemy. If you reject the authority and fight back, you are an adversary of the State and you don’t count. Whatever happens is your fault. Don’t talk back or you will be knocked upside the head with a Billy club.

White Supremacy lies and bends the truth. Now that I am close to my daughter and her children, I can name this behavior. There was an interaction between one of my grandsons. He picked up the idea about himself from his mother. The boys share the game boy in their room. The other boy goes to his mother’s room to watch TV when it is not his turn. So, this morning it was Grays turn. He went in there to get the devise. I heard a scuffle wand went upstairs. This is the battle ground every day. They have not learned the rules of play. On the other hand, this is what they know. Lie and cheat and twist the truth. It is simple. Its Gray turn. The other child to misdirect his frustration. Says to me in an aggressive manner. You think you are the ruler of everything. I walked away. I know this is his behavior. He does not want to take responsibility for his behavior. He would rather blame me. The same thing with my daughter. She continues to blame me for how she feels, even though she is forty-two. I was not a good mother. Are the words she beats me over the head with. I have lived a year with her. The garage door has problems when it lower. It shakes and rattles. Well one day I was just looking at it. Looks like one of the bolts is lose. I tighten it up. A few days later I saw a bolt and washer on the floor. I think the bolts have come loose. Keshia said she was going to call a specialist. I told her my discovery. She quickly dismissed it and said this is what the man who looked at the door told her. It was an outright lie. I don’t understand her reason behind it. I wrestled with trying to help her save money. I threw up my hands up and said let her deal with it. I realize she is overwhelmed with four children. Her boys would cause someone to have a stroke. With all the yelling and beatings. It is not an environment conducive to mental health.

Another important relationship I had was with a man. He was my Prince Charming. At our wedding reception Harold drank champagne from my shoe. I had ended an abusive relationship with my baby’s dad. Feral nerve endings and heart empty, Harold moved in and took control. Important to note is how bad relationships linger on. One Sunday morning while Harold and I crossed the street going to church Frank ran Harold down with his car. Harold was bumped and landed on the concrete. He had to be taken to the hospital. All things considered Harold held on and would not give me up.

So began our stormy love affair. Harold swooped me up into his world. I was welcomed into his family and his friends became mine. Being with him was like a fresh breeze coming from the ocean floor. It washed over me and laid my worries to rest. The boundaries of my life expanded to fill a void when at fourteen family life came undone.

Although the way we met may be true. There was a realization that diving head-first into this relationship did not serve me well. I had been out of  high school for about a year. Undecided as to what I was going to do with my life, I found a less than desirable job in Newburg. After working with Harold for a few days he feigned something was wrong with his car. He asked me to give him a ride. Although I had never done this before. Being of good nature I agreed. Through this opening he found a way into my heart. The relationship needed closer observation. Sad to say, I did not take the time to see what type of person I was bringing into my life. 

Harold lived in a small house that belonged to his sister. He invited me out to a party he was having at his place. However, when I got there the party was over. It was just us two. Surprisingly, to a way-seeking mind all this makes sense. I was lost in the exuberance and pleasure found in a new relationship. To put it differently it could have been any man that showed the least bit of interest in me.

Quickly, we became inseparable. He picked out the place. It was on the third floor of a building across the street from where he worked. I was thrilled to be with him. I didn’t care where we lived. I cooked dinner. Took it to over. He would eat it on lunch his break. As he ate the food a smile crossed my lips.

Besides, cooking his meals and bringing them over to him at work. I did everything for him. Even cashed his paycheck. Harold did not have a worry in the world. While he worked, my time was spent in anticipation of his return. Looking out the bedroom window I could see when he got off. One night I sat by the window, watched him drive out of the lot. This is when I lost sight of him. Most nights I could hear his footsteps come up the stair well. Tonight, I waited. ten, then twenty minutes. It was about two hours later when I saw him drive back into the parking lot.

“What the hell,” I thought to myself. I threw on some sweats, got into my car and drove over to see what was taking him so long. Never would I imagine that I would see him chatting up a co-worker in the front seat. I yelled. Banged on the window. “Tell her to get out of the car,” I screamed. He rolled down the window. Said something. He wanted to talk. I did not. The woman got out of the car. She was of a  different race. Which made the sting of his betrayal much hard to swallow.

Consequently, our honeymoon stage had ended. We had enjoyed two years of bliss before the discomfort set in and the scabs wore off. In fact, Harold told me he went to Seminary School but got kicked out when he got a girl pregnant. Inasmuch as he wanted to be a minister, he showed no remorse when the ministers in the church denied him the right to speak from the pew.

Another jab Harold felt in his heart was when he tried to establish a relationship with his absent dad. Harold feared that he was either going to love his father or hit him. Sad to say Harold punched his dad and they had a big falling out. Harold said his father posted up like he had been a dad. Harold’s father left when he was young and was not a part of his growing up. Similarly, Harold was not a father to his first-born son.

The joy in his life was his two mixed girls from a first marriage. He told me that he married a woman from New England. He met her in the streets. She told him he tried to make a wife out of a whore. Knowing he married a woman before me was hard to swallow. I told him it should have been me. To add to the hatred, I felt of the other woman was the vintage pictures of white women in his suitcase. I nearly flipped. I told him to get rid of them. He could not have it in our hone.

The first time Harold and I met was when I was about twenty. Out of frustration when he would not set a wedding date, I gave him back his ring. This was the same ring he had given to a girl before me. His friend told me the girl gave it back. After I gave him the ring back, I saw it on the pinky finger of his mother’s left hand.

Soon, discontent set in. For example, about once a month Harold disappeared for a few days. I do not know where he went. I think he went back home to his mother. Things did look up when Harold found a better job at Toyota in Georgetown, Kentucky. It kept him out late until 10:00 pm most nights. I started looking for something to do with my time. In fact, he did not know how to take it when I told him I needed a life outside of our home. I began to look at him differently. Maybe it was me who started to change. I stopped perming my hair, let it lock up. His daughter once said to me. “My daddy only likes you because you are light skin and have long hair.”

The first thing he told me was I was not the same girl that he married. Well, who do he think I was? My passion is to grow and improve. I had a man and now I wanted to expand my world. While Harold was away at work, I reestablished connection with my Buddhist group and started going to meetings. It provided an important outlet that I enjoyed. To put it another way, it was an opening inside of me. Nonetheless, he told me to let it go.

Sad to say we were both like fire that burned each other out. One day he packed his bags and left when I went to work. He and his young daughter were complicit in the betrayal. His absence from my life dismantled the completeness that I had felt.

After this loss I was devasted. Sitting at home in an empty house was a feeling all too familiar. Thoughts of abandonment rained down on me. There was no way to get out of the storm. It battered me. All I could do was draw up into a ball and protect my heart. I cried for two months, thinking how this could happen to me. He was the only man I thought I would love. Again, my family had come undone.

Loneliness settled on me like a brickly blanket. Wrapped up in discomfort was what was familiar. It would be a pattern I would repeat for over thirty years. A love- hate relationship with men had begun. Each relationship was just like the other. Ending because it did not feed my Soul. My addiction to unhappiness kept me in a loop. I was unable to break free from the emotional addiction to unhappiness.  After living this way for over thirty-five years, I needed to break free from the relationship with men and look inward for a solution to my discontent.

The most compelling evidence for my plunge into myself was leaving familiar surroundings. Jerry, Keshia’s husband had been trying to get me to come. I packed all my belongings into a U-Haul and towed my car to Florida. Everything was unknown. I ventured out to what was familiar, relationships with men. Again, I was thrown into loveless unions that causes me anguish and disappointment. By in large relationships with men no longer satisfied my hunger. I would have to feed it something else.

Importantly, in my search for something else plunged me deep into the life of my daughter’s family. I was let into their inner circle, so my daughter told. Living on the fringes kept me safe from seeing the darkness in human life. I had run long enough. It was time to face and slay the dragon living in me. Being around my daughter helped me to see my reflection. Before, I could not look see myself. This new found knowing eased the hunger and now I was on a different search. Instead of looking outside myself for love. I found satisfaction in pursing my dreams. Being close to someone has a way of bringing to the surface what needs to be healed.

There was this unease that crept upon me. I lived like an outcast during the thirty days I lived with Jerry and Keshia. One day my daughter came in with an armful of shopping bags. She sat down at Jerry’s feet and began to explain. They made a ton of money and Keshia spent most of it. Jerry worked long hours. When he was home, he worked on the house. They lived in a construction zone. Nails and wood and open walls. All the while the toddlers crawled on the floor. The air in the home was thick. Conversation between them was a whisper. Jerry hovered around Keshia critiquing her cooking methods. I moved from their home as soon as I could. Found an apartment of my own.

After being in Florida for ten years, Keshia and Jerry divorced. All things considered I put all my hopes in their marriage and family. Most things known were coming to an end. Likewise, I made the crucial decision to leave teaching. Education was not working for me. This last effort to be in the classroom as an assistant removed all the outward measures of success. In fact, I had to give up my apartment.

Keshia had a new house built. Her new boyfriend would help us move. This would be a new beginning. I would move in with her. Did I think her man would live with us? I was not prepared for him as a roommate. During the move I lost track of my boxes. Her boyfriend carried in one of my bags with the contents hanging out. A box of my things also disappeared. The box contained a priceless quilt; A few handmade drums that my former students made at school; and a collection of quarters that I spent three collecting. Moreover, they were valued at over five hundred dollars. I did not miss them until I was forced to move from the home with my daughter after being there for thirty days.

This new boyfriend moved in. He was a stranger to us all. Keshia was the only person he had a relationship with. Ariel, Keshia’s daughter, sad to say never moved into the new home. She would not be living under the same roof with this man. I slept next to the living room. The boyfriend camped in there all times of the night. He watched football. I could hear it through the wall. Living by myself for over thirty years, I was not used to the noise and voices coming through the walls. I walked around the house uptight. He came into the kitchen and looked in the refrigerator. I felt the intrusions into my space. A fallout was evident.

When my daughter told me, she would buy me an airline ticket to leave. This was too much. Under exhaustive conditions I packed up all my things into a U-Haul truck. I left that day. Stayed with my cousin in Tampa. Left the next morning. Stopped over in Atlanta for the night. In the wee hours of the morning my cousin and I stole away headed back home.

Being away from home for so long I wanted to be around my elderly dad. He was getting old and could hardly look after himself. I was reluctant to come back home. I never believed how much chaos I would cause once I moved in with my father and brother.

Anthony had been living there for about eighteen years. We had a good relationship as children, but all that was about to change. It was a good living arrangement. I cleaned out the basement and set up my new living abode. The basement had a toilet and a sink. What more did I need? There was space in the basement to set up a kitchen. To shower I went upstairs. Life seemed ok until I wanted to make changes.

My brother had a washing machine. It filled with water and agitated but would not spin out. I tried his way. Rung out my clothes and hung them to dry. This was madness. My father had a monthly income and my brother worked. Surely, we could afford to buy a washer and dryer. This is when the resistance started. Anthony balked at the idea of replacing this useless machine. He wanted no parts of it. He would do his to laundry somewhere else. Well I’m in Florida now and our father died. Anthony has full use of the washer and dryer.

The next thing I did was replace the window in the living room. The lock on the window did not work. I thought this was a safety issue and told my father it needed to be replaced. We also replaced the window in my father’ room. He could open it and get some fresh air. When the man arrived to install the windows. My father, Anthony and I stood on the front porch arguing. Anthony tried to convince our father that we did not need the windows. Needless to say. The gulf between our lives was getting wider.

By now the living arrangement with Anthony was strained. I continued to make improvement to our home. The living room ceiling had a leak. Water came trickling in all over the wood mantle. The wallpaper started to tear away and mildew. We replaced the roof and the persecution started. Over dinner when the family got together. The conversation was always about religion and god. A known disagreement would start.

I am of a different faith. My father was Methodist minister and my brother attends the largest Black Baptist Church in the city. This became a huge divide and many arguments followed. I felt persecuted when I voiced the way I thought. Anthony laughed and belittled my views. I did not let this be known that it bothered me, but secretly it was getting on my nerves. He was so negative. All he talked about was God. I was going to hell because I did not believe. He used a large hammer to bang me over the head trying to force feed me his Christian beliefs.

The worst part was about to come and tear into an already fragile relationship. Father had a stroke. Suddenly Anthony was concerned about him. He had not shown the least bit of concern about father while he was healthy. My father told me he and Anthony barely spoke.  I cooked for my father, cleaned his room, washed his clothes, and transported him to his doctor appointments. I became his live-in care. I even managed to pay his bills.

Well my father has a home and a sizable bank account that suddenly became a war of the roses to see who would have access to it. Anthony must have thought I was going to have access to his money. The fire heated up to a blaze. He thought I stole our father’s money. He called in Adult Protective Services while my father lay in the hospital bed. Finally, my fathers’ assets and his body was given over to the state.

The animosity and atmosphere in the home was unbearable. Anthony called the police on me a few times. I had my father’s check book and driver’s license. Anthony wanted it. Well he wasn’t going to get it without a fight. When my freedom was in jeopardy, I finally decided I did not want to fight with him. I gave him the check book and driver’s license. I was feeling less than safe. I asked a friend to put a door up for me. I would be able to safely lock the door when I slept. Anthony walked in and caused such a commotion. He screamed and cursed saying I did not have the authority to put up a door. The friend wanted no parts of it, so he left.

After the funeral I was no longer was needed in Kentucky. My daughter called me and said let’s give it another try. Once again, I packed my belongings and headed to Florida. This time I left my bed in Kentucky. Somewhere to come back to if things don’t work out. Keshia and I have had a sort of falling away. It has been coming for some time. I’m not working, even though I help around the house. I really came down the second time because of her health. She was extremely sick. In and out of hospitals at least once a month. While she was hospitalized, I was there with the children acting like a mother.

Well she’s gotten better and she’s back at work. This diminishing relationship is slipping further away. I don’t know the way back. The last incident let me know she no longer needed my help. We had an argument about my refusal to do something she requested. I told Keshia I will not be jumping through hoops just because I am living in her home. Out of retaliation she sent a babysitter to be with the children. She didn’t tell me about it. I overheard the boys talking about a sitter coming over on Thursday. I locked myself in the room while the children and the sitter was in the kitchen. She played with them awhile. Soon it was quiet. The boys had gone up stairs. I could hear her in living room playing music on her phone. A few minutes later one of the boys came in and asked about a sandwich. I decided to let them have the house. I went out for a walk.

When I came back the sitter was sitting at the dining room table on her laptop. I went into my room. About time for her to leave I peeked outside my bedroom. It was about 9:00 pm. She was gone. I went upstairs. The boys had the TV blaring. I told them to shut it off. She was supposed to help the boys get to bed. I really do not know what she was needed for.

            Before that Keshia told me, she doesn’t need my help and she doesn’t want to talk to me. This issue of control comes up all the time. I’ve done all I can. She wants me to be an extension of her reach. One day she was on the phone. She texted me, “can you get the boys logged on?” They are at home e-learning. Granted I’ve never logged them on before. They needed to be logged on by 12:40. It was 12:39. I ran upstairs said boys let’s get logged on. The defiance started. They ran into their mothers room yelling. It was inconsolable. I threw my hands up when the commotion was too much. I told her not to run me under the clock. This is just one example. There are many.

The last fiasco happened when I told her something, can’t remember exactly. All she told me was I had to sit with the students during a lesson. Yeah, I know what is was. The boys had an assignment. Grey knew what it was Camden did not. She said to me in a matter of fact. I do expect you to sit with them. I was a bit taken back. She doesn’t sit with them and certainly I wasn’t going to.

            This is the climax of my frustrations after living with four children and my daughter for about a year. There are two seven-year-old boys, a ten and a thirteen-year-old girl. During the last year I gained over thirty pounds. This is the heaviest I have been in my life. I felt so stressed. All I wanted to do was eat. The atmosphere in this home is angry and toxic. I came to realize that one of the boys acts just like his mother. He would leave toys laying around. On the table. On the kitchen counter, on the steps. I realized he was baiting me for a confrontation. The same thing Keshia does.

            I tried to help her organize her life. Give the children chores. Pick up trash and food when they finish eating, clean the sink out, and rinse the food out of your dishes. Keshia leaves food on the counter and in the sink. She brings her items in from work and lays them on the counter.

We are in the middle of a virus outbreak. So, I don’t really understand why she goads me to have an argument with her. She told me no one lives in Nirvana. I told her it is something to reach for. If all she wants to do is argue and fight. I am not the one to walk that road. The path I travel is lined with peace and understanding. I don’t think she is incapable of having a mature relationship with me. There is too much animosity about her growing. She has too much on her plate to look deeply into her personality and make needed change. The last argument I told her I would help her out with the children since this is where she needs help. She told me she does not want my help.

Through these relationships I’ve learned a great deal about myself and other people. I have concluded that I am best if I live alone. It is quiet. After living with her for about a year. I prefer to be by myself. Where there was rage and anger. There is tolerance and acceptance. Where there was doubt, I have come to believe in the power within me to know when it is time to go and not hold on to something that’s not working. I have resolved in my mind that I have done all I can. I’ve tried to amend the rift with my daughter. I’ve begged and pleaded, yelled, and screamed, prayed, and chanted to understand and to have a mature relationship with her.

Currently, it is impossible, and I am ok with it. I have faced down my anger after it was released in utter frustrations. I looked at myself and said never again. My happiness is more important than living with her family walking on egg shells and living with uncertainty wondering when the next storm will blow. The aftermath is too much for me.

During the midst of my most challenging days I have come to understand myself and the relationships I want to have. First, I must make peace with myself. Come to see myself as part of the human family. I have goals to obtain. I walk with the knowledge that I am a part of the larger world. At any time, I can connect with the Intelligence in the world. I rest with the idea that there is a larger force that I am connected to. It is a relationship with the divine.

I always looked outside myself for acceptance and love.  It was never found so I retreated to an inside world. My Inner Life contain all the possibilities that I can imagine. Each time I looked in I found a way to be in the world. First, I must understand myself before I can have a healthy relationship with anyone else.

An Emotional Odyssey of Self-Discovery: Experience The Quantum Mind

A Seven Step Inner Transformation, emotional Journey, Mindset, Quantum Field

I felt like nothingness.

Living groundless.

One foot in the past.

The other dangling in oblivion.

Created an imbalance in my personality.

Swirling emotions

Thrust me mercilessly

Through the levels of my unrest.

Searching for ideas

That would calm my restlessness.

Chanting brought a level of


That Connected me to…

The Quantum Mind.

There I discovered my True Self.

The reason for my unrest was found when I dug through my psyche and discovered how I had been brainwashed. I lived the life of a Methodist minister. My father’s life was my own. We went to church every Sunday and were known as the Preacher’s Kid, (PK) for short. Subsequently I never questioned the concept of God until I had been exposed to ideas. Especially a Philosophy class that expanded my views of the world. The professor posed a question, “what would change how you thought?” I considered the matter quietly. “What if there was no God?” Then the life that I lived would be a lie.  Before I could live free, I would have to expose the conditioning that made me accept the white world as my reality.

Unquestionably, I would have to expose how cultural conditioning shaped the concept of Blackness. For the most part, my young life was enraptured in a black world. Whiteness became an idea when I went to school. Education wasn’t about me. It was the history of the white man. Most ideas that were spread came from the white world. These icons captured the psyche of a little girl and twisted her mind to accept her status of being less than.

Despite the prevailing images the knowledge I consumed declared, I was a person with a cultural history. The belief that I was a person with individual thoughts and emotions fed my intellect.

Without a doubt it was the American Education System that I had to crush. For example, I was assimilated into the dominant culture to believe I was a blank-slate to be filled from the outside world. Teachers pierced my subconscious mind, which was fertile ground, like boring a hole in a cavern and filling it up until there was no room left for my mind to comprehend of itself. My mind had been force-fed a history of who I was starting with slavery. As if I did not exist but in the minds of the other. Away from the cultural conditioning of American Education, the meaninglessness that I felt had to be exhumed.

Clearly, I wasn’t an empty basin to be filled with information from the outside world. On the contrary, I was like a seed. Encoded in my DNA was all that I was to become. Children already know what they like until they are exposed to the outside world. My two grandsons have an opinion about the world. As a matter of fact, they know more than me. Their beliefs about the self will not be challenged.

Similar, there existed in me a drive to know the truth about myself. This led me to the idea about the Quantum Field which explained a concept that my previous Buddhist training and study presented as a core belief. It is the belief that each person’s life contain an infinite potential. I did not totally grasp the magnitude of the concept that there were three thousand realms that contain unlimited potential until I was introduced to the Quantum Field. This Quantum Field contain the past, present and future and all sentient beings which are all connected in one continuous moment. Research more about the three thousand realms @

Similarly, the brain is like a broadcast station. It sends out and receives signals. The frequency is your emotions and feelings. A lower frequency will bring stress back to the body. On the other hand, high frequency emotions will elicit happiness and joy.

Clearly, finding meaning and purpose was my pursuit. Along the way, I found about me and how to hack into the mind. This mind is intellect. It is reading books to remember, to understand the world, to understand myself.

Furthermore, my search for happiness returned to me Buddhism. Buddhism is not a religion. It is a study of the mind. Its ideas wrapped me in an embrace, like finding a long-lost friend. The camaraderie with the people gave me somewhere to belong and something valuable to do with my time. I followed the guidance of President Ideka.

On my quest to know more. The Quantum Field delivered me ideas beyond the scope of my imagination. Buddhism helped me to solve my problems and gave me what I longed for.

Above all, what is the desire or intention for your life? If it is clear, you will send a clear signal. On the other hand, if you are not in touch with your emotions, by default you will receive the strongest signal you are broadcasting. Most times the feeling that consume our consciousness are negative ones because they are the easiest to manifest. They do not take much work. If you want to be happy and successful it will take work.

For example, during meditation take the time to rewire your brain through thought alone. If you have been following my Blog, this will make sense to you. If not peruse some of my past Blogs and you will come to know.

As a baby you took in the thoughts of  those around you as your own. You were mostly a Subconscious Mind. Everything entered in to your mind unfiltered by experience or a discerning eye. Years later you came to realize you were separate and could have your own thoughts. Are still operating on a program of someone else’s design, that you follow blindly because it’s expected of you?

You may ask, am I the body? You agree to this idea and you become the Body-Mind. The body is programming the Mind. The outside world is real. It is all that you know. Still there is an evolving mind that wants to know of itself. You sense an uneasiness when you delve into the mind looking for answers.

The mind left alone finds all manner of problems to solve. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I seem to make traction towards my goals? This endless pursuit of questions drove me to live in the world of learning. Buddhism teaches that there are ten worlds that humans move in and out throughout a life time. From Hell to Heaven, Rapture, Anger Animosity to name a few. These worlds are states of mind that according to the external stimulus one can move in and out of. Before long, an entire lifetime has passed and not a moment of reflection to the purpose of life.

In the lower worlds we are a victim to our environment. When something happens in our external world we descend into these lower states of life. Say you’re driving to work. Traffic is moving slow. You glance down at your watch. Only ten minutes to get across town. You’ve already been late twice this month. Your boss told you, if you’re late one more time this month he’s going to put you on probation. Your heart starts to race. Fingers clinch the steering wheel. You lay in your horn wanting the guy in front of you to speed up. He’s slows down. You ride his tail. Your emotions in your body are controlling the thoughts in your head. Thoughts are jumbled. Anxiety rears its ugly head. This job pays the rent. There’s nothing in your bank account.

Life happens. Most times we are not prepared to deal with too many things happening at once. This pattern of responding registers in the body. Now it’s a habitual way of reacting to the everyday stresses of life. All this is normal. You live with this stress. If you get a headache you reach for a pill. These conditioned responses become your normal way to live. You don’t know any other way to respond. Your brain has been hardwired. You do not really have to think.

Science says we are 5% conscious and 95% unconscious. Some things we do not want to think about, such as breathing and heart beat and all the other ways the brain keeps the body alive.

After living over sixty years in stress and survival the body began to break down. It can’t make the hormones and keep the central nervous center happy. It was using all the energy to survive.

There is another way to live. To tap into the quantum field using elevated Emotions. Elevated Emotions and trusting in the flow of life is a better way to live. Trust in the Infinite Intelligence in the Universe. Release all negativity to the Quantum Field. In return, you will have a feel a sense of calm and be ready to respond positively to the stressors of life.

A Gaze into the Self

A Seven Step Inner Transformation, emotional Journey, Mindfulness

Her eyes peered into the self

Beyond pent-up rage.

To a time long gone.

As a witness to

the birth of

an unconscious emotion…

that she wasn’t loved.

Coupled with a decision she made

sentenced her to a lifetime of suffering.

For over fifty years

She lived in sin.

So the grownups claimed.


she made the choice

to stay home from church.

She did not grasp the magnitude

of her resolve

that it would condemn her

to, ill-fated

feelings of worthlessness.

She would have to come undone.

Chanting Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo

and with the practice of mindfulness.

She came to perceive

the nature of her life.

Her chanting.

created a catalyst

that opened her heart

and revealed

a love that had been simmering.

She stopped looking outside herself

for unconditional love and acceptance.

Whereas she now gazes gently

upon her doubts, and fears.

Watch them roll in and out

with compassion and love.

For she knows

she has fed her fears,

and intellect.

Now she intends to nurture her soul.

She takes out a serviette

lay it upon her lap,

hack up her hurt

into small pieces.

take them in

without bitterness.

Let the measure slowly dissolve on her tongue

then flow into her belly.

where it will be transformed.

She changed the hurt

by chanting Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo

creating a sound and vibration

that transferred her heart to a higher level

afar from her suffering.

Rising above

the pain body,

she observes the ebb and tide of her thoughts.

They have been transmuted

into words that resound

and scatter

where they will be harvested

and carried by the wind.

Dig to the Core of the Earth to find the Seven Keys that Open the Door to the Vast Inner Life

A Seven Step Inner Transformation, emotional Journey, Empowerment

The mind is the tool you will use to break through the many layers of the earth to discover your vast inner life. The first key is to quiet the mind through meditation. Let the dirt shift until there is a calmness. This is the level closest to the surface and where you must exert your greatest strength.  It is through the unity of spirit, and mind that you will use an intention to break through the delusions and darkness that has clouded your view.

You have begun the journey beneath the surface of the earth. It is here you will find the Seven Keys that open the door to the vast inner life and experience abundance and freedom.

The next level down below the surface of the earth is darkness. In the dark spirit grows. It has waited patiently until the time was ripe with the fullness of life, it now emerges into the waking state into a Powerful Presence.

This break from the illusions of the lesser self-reveal the force that shapes your life. This is the energy that moves the wind, and spins the earth on its’ axis. The invisible power in the universe. Some call its God; I call it the Quantum Field.

You are in the field of possibility. The center where peace reigns. There is a knowing that pulsates. Sit mindfully and you will be able to discern the subtle movements of this nature.

Hold steady in the face of the constant change of reality and visualize your way out of harm’s way. From an expanded vantage point below the storm you see how to solve the problem and which way to go.

This realm that you have just encountered is the Quantum Field, filled with wisdom and courage.  You bring this energy into your being which makes you able to discern reality as it unfolds. Light floods onto your pathway illuminating the way. Take one step, then the other until you see clearly.

The last layer down in the fiery core of the earth, anger, rage and delusions are buried away. All that remains is the essence of you. A solid inner self-adorned with jewels sparkling like the night star. 

You have arrived; bathed in light and , love, compassion and wisdom. You ascend back to the surface of the earth.  Your outer garments of suspicion, fear, hatred and anger have been burned away. What remains is the essence of you. Your true nature.

Seven Keys to Unlock the Door to Your Vast Inner Life

A Seven Step Inner Transformation, emotional Journey

Dig through the many layers of the earth and discover the diamond-like nature of the self. With its many facets that glimmer in the night.

Your true self is buried in the core of the earth. For many moons it has hardened and crystalized into a diamond. You buried it under tons of heartache and pain, crushed down by the pressure of living on the surface of the earth.

The Diamond-like self is concealed in the inner realm of your life. I will give you seven tools to open the door to the inner life. These tools can transform the very nature of your life. You can use them to break through the surface of your delusions and illuminate where there is darkness to reveal a diamond-like self with its many facets that twinkle in the night. I will lead you through the darkness to find an inner light.

Close your eyes. Yet you are still aware. Such is your true nature. It burns in the core filled with gasses that ignite and produce a fire. A fire so hot, it warms your body to a constant temperature. Such is the inner flame in the vast inner realm of your life.

Sense with your inner eye the wonders of darkness. The seven tools will break through delusion, ignorance, fear, hatred, negativity, anger and selfishness, so you can see clearly.

The light that glows from within is the vast inner life. With the right guide you can find your way. Join me on the path to discover the vast inner life through poetry and talk.

Poetry can help you get in touch with your inner life. It connects with the wisdom and compassion of your humanity. That immaterial part of the self or the condition that makes you human. It is your genuine human nature, which you will discover as you take a journey inside yourself.

Part 1  Dig to the Core of the Earth to find the Seven Keys that Open the Door to the Vast Inner Life.

How to use your mind to break through the many layers of the earth? The first step is to quiet the mind through meditation. Which brings a calmness and a clarity after the dust has settled. This is the level closest to the surface and where you must exert the greatest power.  It is through the unity of spirit; of emotion, and mental clarity that you will find the strength to break through the delusions and darkness that has clouded your judgment.

You have begun the journey beneath the surface of the earth. It is here you will find the Seven Keys that open the door to the vast inner life and experience abundance and freedom.

The next level down below the surface of the earth is darkness. In the dark spirit grows. It has waited silently until the time was ripe with the fullness of life, it now emerges into the waking state into a Powerful Presence.

This break from the illusions of the lesser self-reveals the power of the feminine aspect of life. This is the power that moves the wind; and spins the earth on its’ axis; the invisible power in the universe. Some call its God; I call it the Human Spirit.

Stay tuned for part two.

INNER WORLDS – How to Achieve Enlightenment amid Society

emotional Journey, Mindset

For over thirty years I have applied the teachings of Nichiren Daishonin to my personal life. The Daishonin was a 13th Century Japanese Monk who tried to reform Buddhism and his society. He manifested the essence of the Lotus Sutra as the Gohonzon (mandala) and taught that chanting “Nam-Myo-Ho-Renge-Kyo” enables any person to reach and become enlightened based on the teaching of cause and effect.

Living in a Feudal Japanese society that relied on obedience to authority the Daishonin was persecuted for his beliefs. He was exiled to a tiny hut in the middle of winter on Mount Minobu. Cold Northern Winds blew through openings in his housing. He would have perished if not for the handful of believers who brought him food and clothing.

We who embrace his philosophy of life enshrine a replica of the Gohonzon in our homes. It is an altar set up to chant Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo. Chanting produces a sound and vibration that reverberates out into the world. It is like a tuning fork that creates the condition for a culture to emerge based on respect for the dignity and equality of all human life.

An important principle of the Daishonin teachings is the “Oneness of life and our Environment.”  When we base ourselves on this principle, we see our environment as a reflection of our inner life. We can take full responsibility for our lives and become emboldened to solve our problems and create positive outcomes in the situations we find ourselves in.

On the other hand, there is a human tendency to blame our problems and sufferings on things outside ourselves—other people, circumstances beyond our control. The principle of the “oneness of life and its environment,” however, demonstrates that the causes of our joy and sorrow originate within us.

The greatness of this phrase is in its simplicity. It had to be simple enough for anyone to practice. The phrase is like a key that opens the door to the vast inner life. This vast inner life is the soul that we talk about, but do not know its’ purpose or how we can access its’ wisdom.

When you chant these words repeatedly, you fuse your life with the life of the universe. You are no longer a water molecule, but you have the same capability as the sea.

It is like you become one with your own heart. As you continue to say these words, the sounds radiates out into the universe. We know that sound travels on waves.  Each beat brings your heart, mind, and spirit into complete alignment. You move with a single-mindness instead of having your efforts splintered in many directions.

Thus, you have begun to heal the splintered parts of yourself. Once you have a conscious connection to this wonderful law your life begins to reflect the vastness of the sea. You connect authentically with yourself and this extends to all the relationships in your life.

You become a beautiful work of art. People rise on your upbeat. You master what it means to be human and become a leader for your family, in your work-world and society.

Consequently, conscious humans inspire greatness in others. Our lives become an instrument of beauty and grace.

Creating this chap book is how I bring a voice to my Inner Life. My poetry does not promote the religious dogma associated with religion, but how I express the truth of this philosophy. Poetry has the potential to reveal the intelligence in our inner life.

“Put Your Finger on the Pulse and Feel the Beat, The Rhythm of Life.”


A Seven Step Inner Transformation, Mindfulness, Mindset

What is a liberated mind?

No more seeking for the Truth or searching for enlightenment.
No more feelings of lack, incomplete or un-fulfillment.
No more needing to be loved, understood or approved.
No more blaming others, feeling as a victim, living in guilt or fear of future.
No more comparing oneself to others (since there is no others), or a mental image of how one should be/feel.
No more desire for any specific state of mind, feeling to have more than ordinary of what is.
No more resisting to what is, waiting for something better in future, or special experience to transcend the ordinary.
No more seeing oneself above or below others, or needing to be special in any way.
No more resenting or valuing ones past history.
No more “This little me, that I need to take care of.”
No more suffering.

 A Practice for Liberation of the Mind

The “mind” here means the tyranny of thoughts that pull you about and create feelings of fear (stress, jealousy, anxiety, worry etc). Liberation, or freedom, in its true sense is to be free of being pulled in by thoughts. The mind is a very powerful tool but it becomes a huge hindrance to our well-being if we are taken in by its magnetic pull. If your mind controls you, it would directly mean that you are a prisoner and bondage is never pleasant. Moreover, the wall of thoughts keep the intelligence of life from freely flowing through you, hence it hinders your well-being.

  1. The Simple Practice of “Sitting” in a State of “No Doing”

All techniques and practices eventually require you to exert some form of “control” over your body or mind. Whether it be breathing practice like Vipassana Meditation or the practice of focusing on your inner body. These techniques may help make the mind more disciplined or mature, but they don’t take you to “freedom” because you are still trying to control.

If you want to be free of the mind, you have to “allow” it completely – that’s the paradox. You can never be free of something that you resist or try to control. When you let go of the mind completely you realize that it has no power over you. The practice I followed, that helped me become free of the magnetic pull of the mind, is a below.

  • Just sit in a comfortable position so that your entire body is supported in some way. For example you can sit in a very comfortable couch, that supports your back and head completely, so that you don’t have to “hold” any posture.
  • Realize that you don’t have to hold your body anymore because the couch is doing it for you. So you can now just let go of the body as if it were dead.
  • Just be in simple place of a completely surrender, where you are not trying to hold or control anything. You can feel that there’s some energy in you which is trying to grab hold of something, and is very fearful of letting go so completely. Notice this energy but let it be, don’t try to get rid of it.
  • Don’t judge anything and don’t try to solve, or sort out, anything. If fear arises, let it arise, if panic arises, let it arise, if confusion arises, let it arise. Just imagine that you are a dead body with no control over anything. It may take a few tries before you can truly be in this absolute state of no control, an absolute letting go.
  • Don’t try to be “aware”. In fact, quit trying to do anything at all and just let go. Notice that awareness is not something that “you” have to do, because awareness is always here. This is a big revelation for someone who has been trying to be “aware” or trying to stay as a consciousness.
  • You may notice that the awareness is always in the background, and thoughts and emotions are happening in this awareness. Even the thought “I am not aware right now” is just a thought happening in awareness.

If you just stay this way for a while, you will start noticing how thoughts and emotions fleet past in the space of awareness. This practice helps you gain stability in your power of awareness which allows for a space of a wisdom to come in, in the absence of this space you just feel pulled around by the mind’s momentum. As you practice this state of awareness, you will also notice the intensity, and momentum, of the mind becoming slower with time, until it reaches a point where the mind loses it grip on your being which allows for a resistance-free movement in your physical life.

“Sitting” Allows Suppressed Energies to be Released

This simple practice of “sitting” (if you can even call it a practice), allows all the suppressed energies to come into consciousness and thus be transmuted or released. Since you are not trying to control anything, everything starts coming back into a harmonious natural balance. The energies in you that were out of balance, or suppressed, will be released in this state of “no control”. It’s like a rubber band, it automatically comes back to it’s normal state if you stop controlling, or holding, it.

Understand that this is a process and it takes time before all the suppressed energies can be released. In fact, as you continue with this practice you will also notice the personal will, or the “me” force, ebbing away. This is because the “me” force was always unnatural to start with, and it had to be maintained through constant struggle. As you let go of struggle this unnatural force automatically starts ebbing away.

With time you will start feeling as if your “body” is dissolving or becoming more spacious. Your body starts feeling almost transparent. This is because there is no resistant energy in it anymore, hence it feels like an open channel. It can take a few weeks or even months before you can sense this lightness, depending on the suppressed energy and “controlling” force that was present in you.

You don’t have to do this practice for any fixed time. Do it whenever you are free, whenever you are not occupied. All you need is a place to sit comfortably and let go. It’s like deep “Waking” sleep. You are awake, but without control, like you are in sleep.


A Seven Step Inner Transformation, Mindset

Prepare yourself because the storms of life are sure to come. “When you are being assaulted by your thoughts, there is a way to get out of the storm. Use the Mind to quiet your thoughts. It is a skill anyone can learn.”

When I am in a storm, thoughts flood my Mind. I want to escape but knowing there is no place to hide. Standing firm in the decision to learn the purpose of this storm, I pose a question? What is the meaning of this intrusion?

Whilst the thoughts batter my head, I stand perfectly still, not straying from the moment. See everything happens in the present moment where you can beckon the power of the Greater Mind, to redirect the lower Mind, which vies for control.

The lower Mind-States are fear, anger, and doubt, to name a few. The Higher Mind-State in open and awareness.

“What can I do?” I think. More rounds of disorganized views pummel me using my head for target practice. At first, I am confused, but I follow the storm of thoughts to where they will lead.

I look out my window at a bird that has perched on a stick I posted in the garden to hold up the flowers. Lately, I feel the birds are communicating with me. Most days I feed them the left-over scraps from our table. The bird appearance reminds me to give him food. Sorry about the detour. Back to how to stand firm in a Mind-Storm.


Mooji, uses the inquiry method to understand the purpose of the storm. But first you must quiet the Mind. His recommendation is to chant this phrase three times.” I-am-Aware. I-am-Aware. I-am-Aware, Om.” Do this over and over until you feel a sense of calm. The suggested time is about five minutes. Longer if need be.

Mooji is a Guru in his own light. He speaks about a Mind-State that is as vast as the sea that can contain the problems that you may face. You can move in and out of this state at will. The chanting of, “I am Aware,” provides a way to quiet the Mind during the storm.


Understand, there are many distinct appearances the Mind exudes. Sigmund Freud, a Psychologist labeled them as, the Id, the Ego and Super Ego. He was mainly interested in the pathology of people. On the other hand, my affinity is in Buddhist Psychology, which is concerned with the alleviation of human suffering, distress, and dissatisfaction. 

Buddhist Psychology provides a way for people to achieve a level of enlightenment. Enlightenment means to view your suffering in a different light, which empowers you to evolve beyond the suffering to a higher Mind-State.

Chanting Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo

Another way to gain some control over your thoughts and achieve a higher mind state is found in an Eastern chant. Chanting is a traditional Buddhist way of preparing the Mind. So began my practice of chanting. I found the practice. No, it found me when I was in a crisis looking for a way to be in the world.

Thirty years of practice opened my Mind to reveal a Vast “State of Life,” Mooji talks about. First, I chanted for material things to make my life comfortable. After I discovered things would not make me happy, I wanted to have peace of mind. Desiring peace of Mind brought all manner of thoughts into view that need to be healed. 

Each storm I lived through brought me closer to what I desired. I wanted more than anything to find meaning and purpose for my life. But first I would have to make peace with my imperfections and the people in my life.

The chanting was like putting money in the bank. No one knows when you may need to make a withdrawal. Repeatedly, I chanted the words knowing that the Mind can only entertain one train of thought at a time. Now I was in control guiding my thoughts out of the dangerous water. Each chant brought me closer to a steady stream of thought.

The mind was silent and ready for Auto Suggestions. Auto Suggestion is a way to place into the Subconscious all that you want to manifest. Do you ever wonder where all your memories are housed, that you draw from automatically? It is your Subconscious Mind that contain all your knowledge, your memories and all that you have experienced.

When you are at peace, you can reprogram this part of the Mind and give it any suggestion you want to manifest. Granted you have no control over this part of the Mind or when answers will come. Do not take it as a loss of control. See the Subconscious Mind as your giver of blessings.

You can go about your life with a sense of freedom knowing that the Subconscious Mind stores all that you may need. It also takes in the negative and will manifest what is undesired so be careful what you feed the Subconscious Mind. Plant in this fertile ground whatever you want to manifest in your life.

Just How Does the Subconscious Function?

Most mornings I walk. This is when I plant the suggestion to remain calm during the storms that will surely come. This is also the time I set the intention to be a peace with myself and speak positive thoughts into my Subconscious. I repeat, “I am Powerful,” three times then Om. I offer up other affirmations that I want to make a part of me. I say, “I am wealthy,” “I am healthy in my Mind and Body.”

The Subconscious Mind which has a direct access to Infinite Intelligence, some call “God” will offer up to you in the form of an intuition at the right time the information you need. It does it in mysterious ways. Do not just trust my words. You can try this for yourself.

Something marvelous happened this Tuesday morning. I got out of bed. Went to the bathroom and got a drink of water to quench my thirst. I laid back in bed. Turned on calming music. The music lulled me in. Unexpectedly a surge of energy that I had never experienced before caught my attention. This force began a circular motion around my left hip. It seemed to have a life of its own.

For the past few years, I have been plagued with this pain in my hip. I tried everything from Physical Therapy to pain medication. Nothing really helped. 

I sensed internally how the energy had created a momentum. The energy isolated my hip area where the muscles were tight and inflamed. The energy moved through the muscle. The hip began to relax. This episode lasted for about five minutes. I jumped out of bed pain free. I went on my morning walk feeling refreshed in the morning air.

This Mind Storm happens when we are unaware. Sometimes it mushrooms out of control. Stand in perfect harmony with the energy. Watch it. Do not be afraid. Release the need to control. Just let go. Repeat the phrase. I am aware, Om three times. See the thoughts recede back from whence they come. The storms come unexpectedly. Be prepared when the next storm comes.

The Soil Beneath Your Feet

Empowerment, Mindset

This is the Time
To reconnect to the food you eat
The very source of life.
The substance that sustains
Your well being.
Let us reconnect to the soil,
Put our fingers in the dirt.
Feel the ground below our feet.
The air on our cheeks.
Let the wind rustle in the trees.
Blow leaves
That fall to the ground.
Remember the source,
From which you came.
Crawling on four,
Then your two feet.
It is time to honor
The earth.
Comes from the soil.
The green leaves
That nourishes your soul.

Building a Thriving Community

Empowerment, Mindset

We have kissed the feet of Angels.

walked the dark pathway to the Heavens.

sat with the babies!

nursed the sick.

tended to those who have lost their way.

we have stood on the top of the heap!

looking down at the destruction.

saw bodies lying in the streets,

pools of blood collecting at their feet.

i sat looking deeply in a mirror reflection.

at an image that no longer resembles the heart.

a reflection dark and decaying

from a slow death.

i watch as ashes fall to the ground

nourishing the earth.

into fertile ground

that nourishes the soul.

which has taken root.

begins to push through the soil

into bright sunlight.


she lives.

her life gives life.

her energy restores,

her community

thrives and flourishes.

her voice heals.

her presence encourages

others in the midst

of theses challenging times.

Re-Imagine Feminine Leadership PART 2

A Seven Step Inner Transformation, Empowerment, Mindset

PART 11:  Cultivating Revolutionary Relationships

In the New Feminine Leadership Culture

As mothers, we create an intimate bond. With our heart, we guide. With our intuition, we care for the baby. Sensing her needs, we respond with our loving kindness. As the child grows so do our experience as women and mothers. The next child will receive improved care. Because we have become seasoned.

Mothers are the light of the family. You know, it is you who determines the direction of your family. You guide with an invisible hand, gently coaxing

It’s nothing short of a miracle that females bring life into the world. We are closely furrowed to the growing embryo during pregnancy. This intimacy influences our nature which makes us best suited to guide human life.

Within our DNA is the history of the human world, passed on from mother to child. An unbroken chain since the beginning of time. We are a part of the Human Dynasty.

For millions of years, we have lived on earth growing and evolving.  Everything we know about the human body and mind is coded in our DNA. It is as instinctual as breathing. We need not focus on the task. The lungs inflate and deflate automatically. The heart beats and we take a step, such is the true nature of women.

Our genuine nature is compassion. We have compassion because we know the human condition is full of pain and heartache. Everyone undergoes birth, sickness, old age, and death. This is the Human Condition.  Thus, the need for women to step out of the shadows and come into the light. It is the light that is needed at this dark moment in history.

Once attuned to the natural world we women become self-organizing, harmonious and whole. There’ll be no need to look outside oneself for redemption. We’ll discover it in the work we do. Unfortunately, we women have not fully cultivated the power within for such a grand endeavor. When we awaken to how significant we are to influencing human life, all other pretenses will fade away.

We are the carriers of culture and must awaken to our noble mission to be caretakers of humanity. We are the ones who with transform the world. Once we embrace this noble calling there’ll be a groundswell of peace for the modern world.

We are our children’s first teacher. We find stories that will delight, stories that will guide our children in the dark world and stories that will inspire, motivate and empower.

I need you to come into the light and be a guide for not only your children but also the children you may teach. Children need for you to show up authentically so they will know and feel the power pulsating through you. It is the only thing that can reform education. It is your time to step up to a Revolutionary style of leadership.

You must not be afraid. There isn’t anything anyone can do to harm you. The changes you will make are internal. As you make inner changes they will show up automatically in your environment. Like the inner workings of a building. Under the foundation is the matter and workings which produce, heat, air conditioning, and light.

As a child, I thought it was magical when I turned a switch and the light illuminated the room. Not until I looked in the closet and saw the wires and switches that were hidden in the closet did I fully understand.

Such is the glorious mission of women to bring order to the world. But first you must understand what has kept the woman today powerless to make any real change in the world.

Todays’ women are mothers, wives, and lovers, second to man. If we are fortunate to have a man in our lives we are happy and satisfied. Still, there is a longing for something more.

Most women yearn to be a woman with an identity outside of being a mother and wife and working for someone. To proclaim to the world that I have something valuable to offer. That something will bring harmony to the world.

If we women continue to play second not only will our lives be shrouded in unfulfillment but we do a disservice to the world. The world seeks balance, like, Ying and Yang, up and down, in and out, woman and man, boy and girl. We have an essential role to play. Until we define that role, we will continue to seek fulfillment in things outside of ourselves or get lost in a relationship trying to be whole. We are complete just as we are. The only thing is to believe.

We are the carriers of culture. It is our responsibility to guide and mode children. As educators, we must begin to cultivate relationships that empower women and help to define the role of women in life. No longer is it acceptable to just do the job we must, be more. The world needs the feminine energy to balance the male.

For too long men have had their hand in shaping human life. They have done all they can because men are ill-equipped for the job. Just like our current president is ill-equipped to be the president. We must stop following blindly those leaders just because they have been assigned the position. To hold the position requires more than a rigged election or to be put in power because you have the right skin or of the right gender.

Leaders must emerge that want to transform the world.

We must begin to build a feminine leadership culture based on the feminine principles of unity, interconnection, and harmony. There is a life pulsating inside of you, waiting to birth into the world. A self that is eternal, a self that knows and is connected to the wisdom of the world. You must take time to get in touch with this internal life.

We Women as educators have been given a sacred task. To ensure that society flourishes and thrives. The current leadership in the White House reminds me all too well that we must step out from behind the comfort of your desk and stand on the platform and announce to the world that we will lead the charge for a better future for our children. and society

If you came to education to make a difference? This is the right place. Currently, there is a moral decline in the world. It started the moment we traded in our voice for a paycheck. Mothers send their children out into the world ill-prepared to defend themselves from the educational system. A system that wants to take over as the life of the child.

Through our leadership, we can empower all children in our care. This is nothing short of a miracle. Like birth which is also a miracle. Do you believe in miracles? Do you see them every day as you gaze out your window and see the magnificent cities we live in? The wonderful gadgets technology has created to shrink the world down to a manageable size. To be able to speak and see someone on the other side of the world. These are small miracles. We too can create similar miracles with our intention.

It is the intention that sets the focus.  The forces then begin to align with your will. Everything you need will appear to make your dreams happen for you. You must lead with the wisdom deep in your life. All you need do is sit quietly in contemplation. Ask the God you believe in for the wisdom and the strength to move on to a higher plane of living.

The Great Awakening 2016 Part 16 MINDFULNESS TRANSCENDS


Today begins a new day.
I crawl out of this old skin of anger, hopelessness, and apathy.
Like a beetle that creeps out its’ exoskeleton.
Before that happens,
There must be a transformation on the inside.
A sort of rebuilding of the self.
A shift in awareness from the body,
Which like a beetle creates a new.
I have been many such bodies.
An infant, a toddler, a teenager now an adult.
Finally, old age settles like the dew on the morning grass.
Clings for a moment then ascends.
So with this practice of Mindfulness.
You must transcend the limitations of the physical body.
Enter into a Spiritual Body
Detached from the suffering and pain.
Unmoved by the smallness of the ego.
Embrace the vastness of life.
Hold onto the mystery and wonder of the Mind.
Transcend the problems of the flesh
Enter into the sacredness of the
Spiritual Body

Three Daily Practices that are a Part of the Poetry Empowerment Project


Three daily practices are part of the POETRY EMPOWERMENT PROJECT. They will help you get in touch with the deeper aspect of your life. Do them, at least, three to four times per week. First thing in the morning, you may want to take

First thing in the morning, you may want to take fifteen minutes of solitude. Take time to tune into The Body Intelligence. This may sound like a lot. However, you are worth the time; take it and be with yourself.
During this fifteen minutes take off your shoes, loosen your belt, clench, hold and release your muscles. You can do this in the morning or at night. While you are clenching and releasing your muscles say to yourself; what do I need to realize about my current situation? Listen to the answer. It is coming from a deeper place that knows.
The next thing for you to do is take the time to write first thing in the morning. They are called, “Morning Pages.” It is exactly three pages of writing. Just write, no editing. Again, just let this writing come from a deeper part of you that knows. Strange this may come up. Do not judge, just accept them. It may bring you clarity.
The last thing for you to do is the “Walk for Clarity”. Take a walk-in nature for about thirty minutes. As you walk, pay attention to your internal dialogue. As you become more accustomed to walking, you will begin to get in touch with your true nature. This is the time to commune with nature and the place inside yourself. Honor and love the wisdom in your life.




Education was the means I would use to affect the hearts and minds of children. After attending two educational conferences at The Florida Nature and Culture Center in Florida, I was primed and ready to change the world. At the meeting, the President of my faith organization stated, the educator is the major deciding factor in shaping the hearts and minds of children. In addition, it is the teacher who can help children find meaning and create value with their life. With a renewed purpose for education, I returned to school ready to shape the future by empowering, educating and socializing children. What I discovered was, the teachers in the school I was assigned plumaged the classroom and commandeered the resources. I had none; the principle did give me a two hundred dollar budget for supplies.

I did not find a compadre among my peers. The principal assigned me the most challenging students. The saying was, “this will make or break you as a teacher.” What about the children, were they given any consideration? It was precisely what veteran teacher wanted, comfortable classrooms and easy assignments. This has created a crisis in education, which translates to a crisis in society.

Unfortunately, this crisis has not concerned the policy makers in education. Education continues to thwart the minds of children and turn them into workers for the state. What is society doing to children? We are smothering the creative minds of children with the current education agenda. Children wear uniforms as a process of conditioning and systematic control. They learn to accept the military presence both at home and abroad. Are we becoming a militarized state?

What I did observe in almost all the elementary schools I was a substitute, children acting out and an overabundance of white female teachers. These predominantly black schools are on the Southside of the city. Most children live in poverty and receive an impoverished education. Schools were not the place children received acceptance land over that empowered them to believe in education and themselves. I was disillusioned, bitter and angry. I left the educational field to pursue other interests.

I had grandiose a plan. I formed a non-profit organization, Vision for Education. I was sure I could single-handily shape this organization and empower children and the world would be a better place.  I would create workshops for educator and we would gather and empower one another and co-create a shared vision for education.

This never happened. It was such a far-fetched idea, but I did receive funding from the city of Louisville, KY and also from the Kentucky Foundation for women to pursue art as a way to empower children. I found support and a group of people that worked with me.

Cyd and I planned a yearlong project at her church. The Broadway Cultural Renaissance at West Broadway United Methodist. There were write-ups in the local newspaper and over seventy-five persons from the community attended the first gathering, which included local artists and educators.

I was involved in my local community, went to most meetings and completed a nine-month program spearheaded by The Metro United Way. I met with this group. There were interactive workshops and small group discussion. We were becoming the Change Agents in our community. I was enthusiastic and thought I could help shape my community. My main problem was ignorance to think that I could change something outside myself. I would first have to deal with and heal my emotional wounds.

This second time around I am more confident that I am on the correct path. My decisions are well thought out and come from a place deep inside that longs to make a difference in the world. I have gone through fifteen years of introspection. During that time I healed my deep emotional wounds. This directly influenced the discovery of my gifts and talents which have enabled the feminine aspect of my life to flourish. Buried under the pain, shame and the guilt was a life ready to make a difference in the world.

I am a poet, writer, and educator. It is my belief that we black woman have a unique mission, to shape not only our lives but also the life of our children and the community. I created The Womanist Empowerment Series. It consists of e-books,

It consists of e-books, workshops, and seminars that help the black woman heal the wounds of her emotional body. The secondary goal is to empower the feminine aspect of life and lastly find and identify a feminine archetype for both personal and professional life. This is a direct path to empowerment centered on love, compassion, and respect for all life.

Women shape the future through our relationships with children, both our own and the ones we teach and interact within social or professional settings. When you heal you will gain a source of power from within. There will be no need to dominate the lives of the children in your life. You will learn how to empower children and help them find their place in life. In this way, you become more powerful. You will shape the world into an image that speaks to the highest calling for Human Life.


A Seven Step Inner Transformation, Empowerment

Step I Powerful Purposefulness:
There is Power in Purpose. Discover your purpose in life. It will direct your actions. Fleeting emotions and transient experiences will not consume you. Integrate the physical, mental, and spiritual aspects of life and become a Powerful Presence in society.



I was listening to a Creative Visualization video the other day.

I closed my eyes and decided to go along for the ride.

I sat back and got comfortable on my sofa.

I looked inside my mind.

The way one does when one wants to think.

I saw a glowing ember and followed it in.

It took me to a place inside myself.

The voice on the video told me to find a struggle.

This was easy because living on the edge I am always in the midst of a struggle.

I looked deeper at the issue that I am now facing and split it open to see what was really inside.

What was holding it together, and made it impossible for me to break free from.

I cut through the skin, it was the toughest.

Now I was able to peel back the legs and dissected it like a frog.

I pinned the legs and the belly back to look inside.

There was a blockage staring back at me.

It was a deep dark hole that I was scared to look in.

I started to crawl slowly because if it was inside of me making me behave a sort of way then I wanted to look at the monster and send it back to its black hole.

Why I am stuck in low-paying jobs, feel like I do not have respect?

Why at fifty-five I am not living comfortably as the calendar says I should.

I bought into this reality for me since I did not have one of my own.

I adopted it like a stepchild.

This lie staring at me had to go;

It would not bring me happiness.

I had to use my imagination to create a life I would love.

Like a little girl with the world at my fingertips.

I could have anything I want.

What did I really want?

What do I want to do with my life?

I could create a life of my dreams.

It is during a Creative Visualization session that I imagine a life of love and beauty of peace of financial freedom,

Where all my bills are paid.

I can travel and vacation and I can be at peace with whatever has happened in my life.



What is the value of the Black woman to the World?

What is the value of the Black woman to her fellow man?

Where does the Black woman stand when there is no room at the table for her demands?

Black woman, you hold the entire world on your shoulders,

The baby on your breast so he can grow strong.

What does the Black man do to the woman that gave him life?

Now he is a man he thinks less of the Black woman.

The black woman, you are the sky!

The Moon and the Stars.

You light up a dark room.

You give so much of yourself

You barely have anything left.

The black woman, you are everything.

Believe in your worth,

The color of your skin,

The texture of your hair,

The swagger in your hips.

The black woman, you are the best!

You love everyone.

Love is your strength,

Love is your power,

It can transform any man.

Open your arms wide and embrace the whole of Humanity.

The black woman, you are in demand.



When you observe your experiences without judgement or expectations you are practicing Mindfulness. You are open and receptive with an expanded awareness. Mindfulness also brings protection from suffering and has the power to bring balance, perspective and freedom to your life.

If you are unaware of what is unseen in your experience you will respond out of habit and suffer. Yes, there is danger and there is pain. This is a part of life and what we call, “The Human Experience.

To live is to experience hurt and pain. On the other hand, at most suffering stems from ignorance. You can accept this as fact and a part of life and live with a sense of happiness and freedom or reject it and suffer.

You can learn to trust this practice of mindfulness as you enter the difficulties of your day. There are four principles of mindfulness if used have the ability totransform your personal experiences.

The first principle of Mindfulness is, (1) Recognize what you are experiencing , (2) Accept what is happening (3) Conduct an investigation into where you are feeling discomfort in your body and what your thoughts are around the experience.  (4) Do not identify with what is happening.

You will use these principles any time you want to investigate the root cause of your pain or suffering that you want to transform. You will investigate the way your body responds, the feelings you are having, and your thoughts around the environment that brings on the experience.

We are so accustomed to running on autopilot. Moreover, at any time you can observe your actions to determine if you are responding out of habit and whether your response brings you closer to obtaining your goals and values.

At this current moment, I am writing on my computer. My mind is engaged in the action. As my fingers strike the keys my eyes see the words appear on the page. I am in a classroom with about fifteen students. Some are finishing their math assignment while others work on a computer program.

One student walks up to me and asks, “What is the answer to this problem?” I tell her how to figure it out, but not the answer. I am fully conscious of my breath as it comes in and goes out my nostrils.

I am at ease in this environment. I have been here many times before. I wear a jacket, even though the temperature is quite mild. It was colder earlier in the day. I knew to bring a jacket because the classroom temperature changes throughout the day.

My job as a substitute is an adventure. Some days I do not know what to expect, oftentimes I do. It is the nature of my occupation to be in this environment with children and be the authority figure.

Some children reject this title and tell me I am just a substitute. I am not sure how they see me. Just lately, I have begun to tell students, Substitute does not define me. It is a label and I am much more than a sub. I tell them I have been teaching longer than they have been alive.

I want them to see me as a person first, and not use a label to define me and treat me in a way that is demeaning. I want them to know that a label places people in boxes they may not wish to be in.

I have taught in Pinellas County Public Schools for about seven years. Most children I have taught before. They know who I am and have been in class with me and know what to expect.

They often asked me if I have been to their school. Some students are helpful and quite pleasant. After twenty years, I am comfortable with the diverse background of children I am in class with. I tell them what my expectations are and how we are going to make it through the day.

I am mindfully aware that I come to the classroom environment with expectations of how I want the children to behave and treat me. Some children remark and say, I am mean. I question their judgement, am I?

I have little patience for disrespect and loud and obnoxious behavior. I am learning to go in the classroom with the intention of opening and embracing all children from diverse backgrounds and to leave my expectations out side of the classroom.


A Seven Step Inner Transformation

DAY-17 3- UNCONSCIOUS ROOT CAUSES OF SUFFERING Unconscious drives have the power to enslave and cause pain. There are predominantly three un-healthly states of mind. If you are always grasping, always seeking, never quite satisified, like an insatiable desire that controlled my life. I was never happy with what I had or the person I was in a relationship with. I always felt it was the other person who caused me so much unhappiness until time spent alone brought me to my knees and caused me to reflect. I glanced back at the last relationship I was in, it showed me a picture of myself. Relationships have the ability to reflect back our innate nature.  If this is what I was attracting, then, I need to change myself. I was the only person that was truly responsible for my happiness. I took one look deeply into my life and found the source of my unhappiness. It was a decision I made as a little girl that I continued to believe like the story I have shared before. That story was a lie, but I believed it like it was  the truth. I got sick and  tired of the suffering and unhappiness and decided that I need to change my story. Realizing that I was an addict and what I was grasping for was like that drink the alcohoic took. Sex never solved my need for love; it only masked the real issue. The next unhealthy state of mind is Aversion; never looking at the real issues. I never addressed the issues in my life. Like an addict, I was looking for some man to make me happy and take care of me. Like drinking to passify a deeper issue. What a delusion I now wake from, which is the third cause of suffering. I wandered in and out of these unhealthy states of mind until the delusions and aversion of living a lie started to wrech havoc on my life and cause physical pain. Many decades of experiencing pain and suffering and searching to find the cause lead me to discover the The Unconscious Roots of my Suffering. I can change the story I tell myself and transform my life. I have to replace the unhealthy states of mind to healthy states. That is tomorrow’s talk.


A Seven Step Inner Transformation

Greetings this is Pamala, aka Poetess, Cultural Transformational Catalyst, Educator and Poet your guide during the Womanist Empowerment Series. Join me as I continue to pilot the new era of feminine empowerment through Poetry & Talk.

This talk speaks to the absence of authentic feminine leadership models available to young mothers who help their children to grow and develop.  Do you want to be empowered both socially and professionally? Help your children to find a source of power within themselves, then follow this series and log onto my Blog

My writings reflect the female model for the world. The external forces that try to control her and the internal force that drives her to self-actualize. The conflict will be played out in the virtual world. This force that drives her is Knowledge and Power. The power to name one’s own reality and self-determination, the power to name one’s own destiny.

Words express my deepest sentiment and how my role as a woman, daughter, leader exceed the expectations prearranged for me. I refuse to be molded by persons and forces around me so inside I ran.

I want you to experience my personal liberation and encourage you to journal and Blog during the next 30-Day virtual retreat that begins in April. You can discover your feminine essence and leadership style and educate your children on how they too can live an empowered life.

The aim of this series is to empower 1 million women who want to guide their children in the 21st Century and build a sustainable culture of empowerment. During the 30-Days, you will discover your feminine essence and experience a Renaissance in Feminine Leadership.

You are the new generation of Womanist Leaders who express their power through the feminine form. I want you to make peace with your softness and vulnerability and stop living with a guarded heart.

During the 30-days, you will connect with your feminine essence, that which makes you a woman. Your personal power and magnetism will grow as you reconnect with an authentic source of power from within.

Womanist Leaders share knowledge, seek understanding and transform their situation into something of value. If you want to discover a source of feminine energy, acknowledge the feminine aspect of life and reclaim your rightful place in society then this series is for you.


I look back over my life as a witness neither judging nor condemning. I see patterns emerge and I begin to make sense of my life and the traps that I fell in. I look at the road I traveled upon that lead me her today. I am liberated from my past. It no longer has a hold on me. I untied the knot in my belly and my life began to unfold. I wanted to be free from tension I felt by holding the weight of the world around my neck. Fear kept me tied in knots, Fear that someone would discover that I wasn’t this strong silent woman that took on the problems of my family, men in my life and would not let anyone see the real me. I was a victim who still thought like a little girl who believed everyone around me had more power than I me. I was at the mercy of his or her good graces. Fear and trepidation filled my life. I had no control over my life or the people in it. I was a victim. I pretended to be strong. Holding onto that façade soon began to break down my body and stress settled on my left side. Pain was my companion as I went through life. It had to change I could no longer hold onto a lie. I believed in love and people until one day my husband walked out on me. I left for work and when I got home him and everything valuable we owned was gone. He left with his young daughter in tow. What was the message he sent to her. She was a part of the plot. I had to go to him for money because he took all I had. I learned that I could not depend upon anyone so I had best take care of myself.

Sitting mindful with sorrow is an act of courage, but it let me see how to break free from some patterns that held me in suffering. My mind played this scene repeatedly. I could not believe this happened to me

The Path to Womanhood–Life as “The Wise Queen”





       Her path to Queen-Ship

What is it that defines women, is it the beliefs, virtues, or traits? Is it the stories we tell ourselves? What makes women unique; the thing that says who you really are?

Let us look for answers in that quite place within, the spiritual dimension, the subtle presence we feel and know is real, the thing we call nature and personality. How did it all come about? Were you born to fulfill a destiny and if not what are you to do while you’re here on earth? We can also say that leadership is a trait that you can develop.

What are the stories you tell you tell yourself? The person you show to the world? The life that lives through you? Does it happen automatically without any conscious thought at all; or is it a life you were given, birthed into, one your parents revealed to you as you looked into their eyes for acceptance and love. Were you allowed to be, encouraged to develop your gifts and talents or were they smothered like a flame, crushed before you became a flowering plant.

I must first take a journey inside myself to see what I’m really about. I can make some changes if I find traits undesirable to my liking as I become the person I want to be.

We women are as powerful as the roaring sea. Recognize your relationship to humanity; know the path you must travel. Step into full womanhood and lead children, your families and the world with compassion and wisdom. When your time to mature comes you will develop your full potential as a woman and lead the free world.