Writing as a Practice of Mindfulness
A sort of remembering of a past experience.
This time with detached emotions,
Through the lens of an adult who stepped back into the past to recover a memory that had shaped her life.
It was-like browsing through a picture album of the mind seeing a distorted image of a life lived; from on top of the mountain; into the deepest valley, only to return to the same spot from which I had begun.
Holding onto that image of a little girl sitting all alone, with the innocence of a new born.
Caused undue stress and strain on the body. Now fifty years later has taken hold.
Fifty years ago Pamala sat and tried to make sense of what she was experiencing.
Words eluded her.
She only had a feeing that she could accurately describes,
Which etched itself onto the soft confines of her mind;
It was a seed planted in fertile ground.
As the seed took hold and began to grow;
Unaware Pamala feed it fear, loneliness and unworthiness,
Experience proved her right.
As she continued to hold onto this image like a covering for her loneliness.
She tried to comfort herself.
Only her tiny arms could not fully embrace her whole self.
She was left feeling empty.
Never would her belly be full.
She never knew that she was always whole and complete.
Feeling empty was a falsehood that she told herself and was determined to make real.
So began the process of creating a life
Experience shaped her mind; fear filled her heart.
Her soul continued to search for a resting place.
A quiet spot to call her own.
Glimpses of a life would appear
Only to be covered over with the Karma she created each time she told herself thelie.
The lie shrouded her truth.
The ache in her heart grew stronger pounding her head until the mind shut down and went into hibernation.
Down a deep dark cavern she sunk.
With no light Pamala wandered for many years trying to find a way out.
Shrouded in darkness forced me to look within for a source of light.